Bhole Shankar special

This is a long posting… if you aren’t a Mithun fan then you can skip this one. Love you.

Wow, what a pleasant morning surprise... I was heading towards office passing Lotus Petrol Pump sans my morning cup of tea. Monday morning blues were closing in but something just caught my eye. You have to know that the wall next to Lotus Petrol Pump and the wall under the Juhu beach hoardings are my favourite spots to check out some ultra funny B-Grade/ Dubbed South/ Bhojpuri movie posters. To my amusement I saw Manoj Tiwari with none other than my favourite Mithunda in a Bhojpuri film called Bhole Shankar. Aaahh… this was better than caffeine and I had completely woken up from a long weekend.

Never did I imagine Mithun and Tiwari in the same frame mainly because I know the Bihar Jharkhand Motion Picture Association has banned all Mithun movies in Bihar and Jharkhand over a previous issue. However, apparently the producers paid a hefty amount to the association to get their film released.

The first thing I did upon reaching office was google Bhole Shankar and I was surprised at the amount of stuff available on the net. On the sets, synopsis, interviews, blogs, music launch, controversies, box-office collections in Bihar, and even anti-Marathi statements. Clearly, this was a big Bhojpuri film. A little more reading made me find out that it indeed was Bhojpuri cinema’s costliest film and most successful one at that too. Phew!!

This is Mithunda’s first Bhojpuri film and I cannot remember the number of times his character has been named Shankar/ Gauri Shankar in his B-Grade Ooty films. Considering the fact that Bhojpuri films aren’t anywhere close to path-breaking Shankar seemed so expected.

After reading the synopsis, the film seemed similar to the Dharmendra- Anil Kapoor starrer Humlaa but in a new avtaar. Post Deshdrohi (Maybe pre-Deshdrohi), this film also has some anti- Marathi statements. Mithun an underworld Don arrives in the nick of time and saves his brother Manoj from getting whacked by Marathi speaking goons (see video). He mouths, “Ek Bihari Sau Par Bhari”… wah wah. I don’t think the not-so-Bhole MNS idiots know about this yet or else I doubt the film would release peacefully in Mumbai.

Now I know it’s bad to insult different cultures but I must say that Manoj Tiwari has just two expressions in his entire acting career. Have a close look at the video and if you spot him in a third ham then I will give you a poster of Bhole Shankar personally autographed by the Lotus Petrol Pump staff.

I really want to know if the invention of the compact disc has caught on in the north… check out the music release picture and notice these guys just proudly holding up audio cassettes of the music. Haha… Look at what poor Mukesh Rishi is relegated to…

The one time famous Shailendra Singh apparently has also crooned a song for Mithunda after 20 years or so. Don’t know how good that is going to be.

Mithun will definitely be in his funny Yaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii best. Look at the pic where the director is explaining a scene to Mithun from a three page script. Ha!!

Judging by the promo, Bhole Shankar seems like your regular formula Gangamaiya ki saughand stuffed with fight sequences, songs (even Rajesh Vivek has a solo song) and a hamming mother. Can’t wait to watch it!!

Amazing cinematography- Children of Men

I started watching movies from a technical point of view in my second year of senior college when we had ‘understanding cinema’ as a subject. It wasn’t the best class on cinema I have ever attended by any means but it did make me watch movies from a different point of view. So after four years of doing that I have to say that Children of Men is by far the most well executed film I have ever seen.

The cinematography is simply brilliant and just what is required in a chase film like this. I’m still spell bound by it and I can’t imagine how much time must have been put into it’s pre-production.

This film is filled with steady-cam and hand-held long shots (something which I’m not a fan of) but believe me its work so well. I personally felt there was some inspiration from Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down in it but this was taking it to an all-new level.

The cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki has rightly been nominated four times for the Oscar including Children of Men. He lost out the Oscar in this outing to a worthy candidate Guillermo Navvaro for Pan’s Labyrinth. However, he did win the BAFTA for this one.

Have uploaded a particular scene from the film. You might get bored as the first minute is just regular talking but then the action begins. Notice that there isn’t a single cut in the entire scene and the camera moves all around the car despite five people being in there already. I’m still trying to figure out how it’s done. I think the camera operator is on the roof of the car and holds it through the sun roof. Could be wrong but I cant seem to find a better explanation. Whatever the case, it definitely was a pain the arse to shoot it- that’s for sure. Hopefully will ask a cinematographer soon. Just brilliant!!



The TT ball mostly is computer generated and perhaps the dirt bike is super imposed. Not sure about the latter. Gets more confusing.

Also everything was so perfectly timed. A lot of things happen in these four minutes but the actors just do a pretty good job. I’m sure this must have taken a long time to execute and days of preparation. That’s movie-watching experience for me.

This film has many more amazing shots and scenes. I particularly liked the one where Kee gives birth to her baby… not your regular baby born without an umbilical cord :D

Anyways, please get a hold of this movie. It’s pretty interesting as well even if you don’t notice the cinematography. Go for it!!

Aishwarya Rai in Pink Panther 2

The Pink Panther 2 met with bad reviews all over the U.S. Too bad... Aishwarya who was always trying to make an acting career out in the west ends up with another disappointing film.

Was just reading user reviews on imdb.com when I came across a post which said 'how do you find aishwariya rai? (for non-indians)'

Check out what some people who saw the movie had to say...

"Well, she's an ex- beauty queen. She can't act. Her looks are fading."

"thats unfair, have you not seen provoked, jodhaa akbar, sarkar raj? im not indian im white/british but im a huge fan of aishwarya rai, i think shes possibly the most beautiful woman on earth (so not fair!)and shes also an incredibly talented actress.
i havent seen the movie though yet!"

"I thought she was great. This movie didn't require subtle acting skills."

"She's gotta be the most non-talented woman in the world. All looks, thats it. The only reason she even became an "actor" was cuz she's a former miss world. I have seen numerous movies with her in them n every single one of em were just pathetic mainly because of her. Heck, she even brings down decent performances of her co-workers. Hopeless facial expressions, annoying voice and a box full of make up. There was a time when I actually considered her beautiful, but now she's gained weight n trying to look all flashy n hot. Its just sad. Can't stand her for a sec. To even call her an "actress" would be an embarrassment to acting."

"I'm european so i haven't seen that many movies with Aishwarya. The last one i saw was "Bride and prejudice" (yet another Jane Austen adaptation), and as an actress she was good. There was nothing wrong with her acting in that or in any other movie i saw with her in it. So i'm guessing phrases saying that "she is the most untalented woman" or "to call her an actress is embarrassing" are understatements. As a person, i have to say Aishwarya is an extremely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman. I fell for her the first moment she appeared on screen."

Better luck next time Ash!!

The Classic Bollywood Rape Scene

Aaaahhh! The good old days. I'm so happy that grew up in the 80s and 90s because that was the time when each and every scene would be remade in another film over and over again to the point that you can never forget it. Each scene would be cliché passed down from film to film with the exact same setting.

One of my favourite scenes that my parents always used to fast forward on my VCR was the classic Bollywood rape scene.

If you find me disgusting then you are in denial or you are just a loser not exposed to the wonderful world of minutely exploitive and barely titillating rape revenge sagas.

Who is the Victim?
She is normally the hero's sister. Prior to the rape, there will be a raksha bandhan scene between bro and sis. Bro will give five rupees to the sister and sis will make a face. (Song may follow). I have witnessed Mithun’s sister getting raped the maximum number of times in his films. And some of the times he himself gets arrested on charges of raping her. Haha!!
or
If the victim happens to be one of the lead actresses then her lover will also die during the course of the movie and there will be another couple too. The second girl will almost get raped until she is saved in the nick of time by her boyfriend (the main hero).

Who is the Rapist
He is the bad guy who got beaten up and humiliated in public or got arrested because of the hero.
or
The rapist is the old thakur of the village who happened to see the girl in his haveli. (Normally he comes in with his accountant during the rape.)

Scene before the rape (it’s amazing how I’m using the word rape so casually. RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE PARE PEAR BARE RAP)
Before the girl gets raped, she is preparing laddoos for her loving brother and when the bell rings she goes running to the door saying ‘mera bhaiya aaya’ but camera closes up on the baddie with an evil smirk. Background music suddenly increases tempo and the intensity completely changes.

Dialogues
About to be outcast from society girl: Kaun Ho Tum? Yahan Kya Karne Aaye Ho?
or
Tum? Yahan Kya Karne Aaye Ho?

Guy will touch her cheek with one hand
Girl: Yeh kya badtameezi hain? (As if she didn’t know)

Once the rape process goes a little ahead she yells…

Chod Do Mujhe kutte chod do… (Have you realized what chod when written in English sounds like?)
or
Mera Bhai tumhe kabhi nahi chodega…
or
Bhagwan tumhe kabhi maaf nahi karega.

Rapewala: Itni khoobsurat bala ko chod doon?
or
Laddoo…? Ab Hum Banayenge Diwali tere saath…

While raping for some unknown reason the goon will tear off the girl’s sleeve. I really really cannot for love of my private parts understand why would any rapist go for the sleeve? Tear her damn top off man and if you want to go from molesting to rape then tear what’s underneath. Don’t tear the sleeve you sleeve picking bozo.

The heroine has to run to at least two parts of the house until she is cornered. One of them normally is the kitchen. If the director is a little more creative she ends up in the bedroom. Two things can happen now…

Situation 1
She finds a knife or breaks a mirror and stabs herself (always in the stomach). The smirking villain is now at a loss of sperm count and he runs out of there. Girl doesn’t die. Her brother arrives and she tells him who did this to her. She dies after that. Brother shouts, “Chutkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”

Situation 2
She gets raped. Filmed really stylishly- girl on the floor. Shoulder shown. Bad guy on top of her rubbing his face on her but not kissing her. Thunder and lightning also strike then. She dies soon after that but again not before the brother coming. “Chutkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”

Now after the entire act is over, actually begins the film where the hero is out to get revenge. Normally, the rapist is well connected and our hero will have to kill more people in his path. But you really aren’t interested in that now are you? Let me tell you in today's time what Richard Gere did to Shilpa Shetty might seem more graphic but back in the days, these scenes were the crowd-pullers.

Note: Have uploaded a rape video where Shakti Kapoor in a very unique way rapes Anita Raaj. Couldn’t find something more appropriate with respect to my posting but do notice that Shakti tears off her sleeve. :D

Why does Anurag Kashyap irk me?

There are many reasons why I despise and envy Anurag Kashyap?

I remember the first time I came across the name was when I was in college and came to know the director of this banned movie Paanch was coming to give a talk. It was kind of exciting mainly because it was my first exposure to the big bad world of the Indian Censor Board (barring hearing a few things about Bandit Queen) as a child. I, fortunately or unfortunately could not attend the seminar but heard he was quite interesting.

Anurag Kashyap has a unique graph as a film-maker. Never have I seen a film-maker who has had so many problems in getting his films released forget getting made.

The first time I came across the man was in Pune during the First Annual Screen-writers conference. Anurag, Javed Akhtar and Abbas Tyrewala stole the show then and that was my first exposure to a frustrated animal called Anurag. Not one film out and he publicly criticised Boney Kapoor, Rakesh and Hrithik Roshan, Robin Bhatt, Ram Gopal Varma, et all. Javed saab called him arrogant but it was something new. People like rebellion especially when it concerns a truck-load of celebrities. Here was the man who called Anil Kapoor the most insecure man in the film industry.

Anurag wanted to vent out. He needed to release his frustrations- he needed a platform. He couldn’t show it thru his films mainly because nothing was happening. His debut Paanch still hasnt released (though cleared by the Censor Board), Black Friday released after ages, the promos of his Gulel are finally out, an Allwyn Kalicharan was planned with Anil Kapoor, Anurag needed a punching bag. And he got it in the form of passionforcinema.com. In the beginning I did admire the man’s guts. This was the time when I hadn’t seen any of his films and he seemed intelligent to me. When I saw Black Friday, I personally thought it was an average film both technically and in terms of story-telling. Yet, I could see a spark somewhere.

Now, then in my horrific Indiatimes days I was asked to review No Smoking. Went to watch it with my mom and dad. Somewhere I consider myself smarter than the average movie-goer but after watching No Smoking I was thinking to myself if I am just a pseudo-intellectual lying to myself and the people around me that I want to make movies. I didn’t understand the movie. Two years down I still don’t understand it. I know people who rave about it and praise Anurag’s balls but I am yet to meet a person who can explain the movie to me. I could easily have made something up and tried to look smart in front of some of my dumbass Singh is Kinng loving public but I decided to see where I stood. We have Tarantino whose films make too much sense that it seems senseless and we have David Dhawan who senseless films are accepted as the Bible to formula films in India.

Anurag doesn’t fall in either category- he is a film-maker who makes his kind of movies and if we fail to understand them then he unleases his passionforcinema morons from the innermost gullies of Faridoonabadistan to write the most insensible things on the web. I read I think an 8 page review of the movie on the website… and it didn’t make sense to me at all and I could conclude it must have been written by the writer of No Smoking himself. I remember the flak Taran Adarsh got from one of the passionforcinema idiots for giving it a negative review. Just like to mention that this was one of the first instances where users got a response from a known figure. So here we see these dime a dozen pricks that have access to a celebrity.

Please try to follow some of the user comments. They are simply hilarious. Im sure Anurag is happy with his online fan- following (I would be too) but I bet you my personal copy of Hollywood Nudes in 3D book that even Anurag must be laughing his Black Fridays off reading some of them.

I am not ashamed to say I don’t understand No Smoking mainly because I am not your target audience. Your movies may or may not be ahead of its time, but I am sorry you cannot insult industry people and the audience just because you took interest in reading more books and watching more movies than the rest of movie-watching urban India did.

That is why I wasn’t really looking forward to watching Dev D. People were going gaga over the song Emoshanal Atyachar but I just sat back waited it to pass. (Don’t get me wrong. It’s only good if Dev D works.)

But that being said, I want to say this to you. In Indian cinema’s present day scenario where we still struggle to be taken seriously worldwide, if at all there is a director today who can take it in the right direction it is you.

I personally don’t think you have a vision. You have talent but you go over-board with it. Use your energies in the adequate proportion and we just might have a film-maker whose cinema will be remembered in the decades to come. You might say I'm being hypocritical by saying this after I lambasted your movie(s). Well, let's just say... our formula guys are slumped too much into their couches to get up.

I just wished you could make the one film where I wouldn’t just say ‘it’s good’ but would shout over roof tops and say ‘Indian cinema has arrived and it took us just a little over 100 years.’

Just don’t be full of yourself and don’t think you are God’s gift to cinema. You are not!!

Still undecided whether to watch Dev D or not…

No Country for Old Men (2007)

Now this is just simply good direction, just that… or else why would such a predictable done and seen to death story still keep you at the edge of your seat?

A drug deal goes wrong and everybody ends up killing everybody else… the first person who lands up on the scene finds a bag full of money and runs away with it. The man to whom the money belongs is a psychopathic killer and kills people in the name of honor and dishonor as well.

The killer played by Javier Bardem is terrifying. The French actor who doesn’t know a lot of English just scares the shit out of you. His Oscar winning performance is simply stupendous and he defines fear in this movie.

My biggest complain about the film and there have been quite a few debates on the same is the ending. After amazing direction, the Coen brothers go for the most predictable straight forward ending there is and the film abruptly ends. No it's not an open ending (thankfully) but yeah even if the story was straight forward I would have liked to see what really would have happened post the killer walking away.

The film won four Oscars including best film and best director. I can agree with the latter but am not sure about the first.

Tommy Lee Jones bores as the eventually to be Old Man.

It’s been a while since I’ve actually had goose bumps watching a movie on a 15 inch screen in broad light… Just shows the tension and the tone churned up by the Coen Brothers.

Personally I think this is a must watch for budding film-makers all over. I definitely learnt a lot of things and I'm sure I will look this movie up some day foor reference.

Must watch!!