Cinemaesque

Now this comes before Danny Boyle tried to show the poverty stricken India in Slumdog Millionaire. My friend Chelsea had sent me this link more than a year ago and I thought these pictures were some of the most beautiful ones I had ever seen. Considering my love for cinema, I just couldn't take my eyes of some of them. Jonathan Torgovnik obviously a foreigner has captured some of India's present day yet to be eventually forgotten cinema marvels with elan. It's pretty amazing how so much of this beauty is in front of one's eyes yet we cannot see them. Torgovnik has captured the simplest thing like buying the orange movie ticket and made it more than wonderful or the classic village touring cinemas. Just check out these beauties and go gaga!!

You can find the rest of the pictures on the following link.
http://digitaljournalist.org/issue0306/jt_index.html

These images and text are all extracts from the book Bollywood Dreams and are subject to copyright.

Near the tent small metal ticket booths are set up. A young boy purchases a 10Rs. ($0.25) ticket to his first film ever. in the village of Palli.


An Usher displays 12rs. ($0.25) tickets collected at the 80 year old "Imperial" cinema one of the oldest in Mumbai (Bombay),


The front row of New Shirin Cinema in Mumbai (Bombay), while the film is projected. The cinema is divided to sections and ticket price. The people which sit in the front rows are considered the biggest fans.


The interior of the tuck with two projectors mounted on the floor, projecting the film through a hole in the back wall of the truck. The films are projected all night, and the projectionists take turns in sleeping between shows.


A food stall near Alfred cinema, Mumbai (Bombay).


Artists at "Mohan Arts" studio, in front of their freshly painted "cut outs" which will be placed out side movie theaters in Chennai. The cut out can be up to 60' high. The cost for these larger than life hand painted advertisements is still cheaper to produce than printed ones. In south India, particularly in Madras and Hydrabad, the hand painted film advertisements are still more common than printed ones. In Bombay the hand painted banners hardly exists today.


Film projector operators at the "Padmam" theater projection room, Chennai (Madras). Cinema-goers became accustomed to dim projection, poor focus and quavering sound. Things are now changing for the better.


Beside the main hero and heroine, other characters carry the narrative in Indian films. These roles, whether father or friend, are played by a number of actors known as 'character' actors. Razak Khan is known to play a gangster side-kick. on the set of "Dil Ke Aas Paas" (nearest to the hart) in "Filmaliya" studios Mumbai.


In the court yard of " Roopam" cinema in Chennai (Madras). A boy stretching his hand, trying to touch the lips of a painted larger than life image of his favorite actress film star.


Amar Touring Cinema camped in the village of Palli, with Kisan the projector operator sitting on the truck.


Young kids pounce on cars stuck at traffic lights in Mumbai (Bombay), and thrust glossy gossip film magazines at them. Stardust and Filmfare are two of the local film monthlies, reporting gossip on who’s secretly seeing whom, which star is furious with which, etc.


Actresses Madooh and Urmila embrace, and a film crew man blocking the light from the camera by hand holding a black cloth. As labor is very cheap in India, this film crew worker is acting as a human 'flag' for blocking the light, where in western productions a stand would be used.

Filmdom lookalikes

Thought I would put up this forward up... old one but some timepass...



Think MJ and SRK's one is the best!!




Frieda Pinto can also be added here...

Suga Daddies

Recession is in and how… after endorsing the big cola giants our top Bollywood superstars are now relegated to promoting ganna juice.



On my recent trip to Kanpur while being the pillion rider on a never heard before LML Freedom, I spotted this sugarcane vendor whose vinyl banner had Shah Rukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra holding a glass filled with ganna juice. Asked my friend to stop the bike. I had to take a picture of this. Everyone was staring at me and my friend… we were looking like A-grade city folk horny for a pic of Priyanka… It was so cheesy, corny whatever you call it and not something you would find back here in Mumbai.



The next day I found out that almost every sugarcane vendor has similar banners. Salman, Akshay, Katrina, Kareena, Abhishek too had joined the Rs. 3 per glass bandwagon. Photoshop has indeed arrived!!

I don’t really know having these stars on your sign board would help on not… however, if my office maid Vijaya ever saw the board with SRK, I’m sure she would leave town in the very next train to Uttar Pradesh!! (Read next posting)

Maid in Mannat

Here’s an exclusive picture of SRK posing with my maid. Remember it’s a cinemacaroni.blogspot.com exclusive.

Ever since the horrendous news came out that the super rich Shah Rukh Khan needs minor shoulder surgery my dear office maid Vijaya was rolling on her bed as she could not sleep at night.


“Saahrook Kaan ospital mein bimaar hai.” Said she the next day in office as she drank her 23rd glass of water after getting dehydrated from the excess tears of seeing her hero on apparent death bed.

Well, our Indian media isn’t really any more smarter considering they too flock outside SRK’s Jannat Mannat to capture a glimpse of their star but what sets Vijaya apart is the fact that she was going to visit Siddhivinayak Temple to pray for his health. I rolled on the floor (which the maid didn’t clean) laughing at her stupidity.

Here is a man who can afford five star treatment, buy the hospital and the doctors and nurses as his personal playthings yet my genius maid decides to pray for the speedy recovery of his Dard-E-Ligaments.

I recall my parents telling me that people prayed for Amitabh Bachcan’s recovery when he was almost dying after getting accidentally stabbed by Puneet Issar during the shoot of Coolie. Well, a knife in his stomach is definitely worse off than a shoulder surgery, I presume.

Siddhivinayak should charge an entry fee of which the proceedings go to charity. I'm sure they'll make a bomb when ultra-rich tycoons complain of broken finger-nails and paper cuts.

More jokes on my maid in future posts. Please visit…

Favourite scene from Notting Hill

Have attached a clipping from my favourite romantic film of all time Notting Hill.

Personally it's one of the most simplest and most effective dialogues I have ever seen. If you haven’t seen the movie you probably won’t find this very touching. Hugh Grant and Julia Roberts do an amazing job- brilliant chemistry throughout the film.

William (Hugh Grant): I live in Notting Hill. You live in Beverly Hills. Everyone in the world knows who you are, my mother has trouble remembering my name.

Anna Scott (Julia Roberts): I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

I don’t know if anyone but me thinks these are good… well, I don’t really care. But please please watch the movie at any cost… Whoopsidaisies!

Bhole Shankar special

This is a long posting… if you aren’t a Mithun fan then you can skip this one. Love you.

Wow, what a pleasant morning surprise... I was heading towards office passing Lotus Petrol Pump sans my morning cup of tea. Monday morning blues were closing in but something just caught my eye. You have to know that the wall next to Lotus Petrol Pump and the wall under the Juhu beach hoardings are my favourite spots to check out some ultra funny B-Grade/ Dubbed South/ Bhojpuri movie posters. To my amusement I saw Manoj Tiwari with none other than my favourite Mithunda in a Bhojpuri film called Bhole Shankar. Aaahh… this was better than caffeine and I had completely woken up from a long weekend.

Never did I imagine Mithun and Tiwari in the same frame mainly because I know the Bihar Jharkhand Motion Picture Association has banned all Mithun movies in Bihar and Jharkhand over a previous issue. However, apparently the producers paid a hefty amount to the association to get their film released.

The first thing I did upon reaching office was google Bhole Shankar and I was surprised at the amount of stuff available on the net. On the sets, synopsis, interviews, blogs, music launch, controversies, box-office collections in Bihar, and even anti-Marathi statements. Clearly, this was a big Bhojpuri film. A little more reading made me find out that it indeed was Bhojpuri cinema’s costliest film and most successful one at that too. Phew!!

This is Mithunda’s first Bhojpuri film and I cannot remember the number of times his character has been named Shankar/ Gauri Shankar in his B-Grade Ooty films. Considering the fact that Bhojpuri films aren’t anywhere close to path-breaking Shankar seemed so expected.

After reading the synopsis, the film seemed similar to the Dharmendra- Anil Kapoor starrer Humlaa but in a new avtaar. Post Deshdrohi (Maybe pre-Deshdrohi), this film also has some anti- Marathi statements. Mithun an underworld Don arrives in the nick of time and saves his brother Manoj from getting whacked by Marathi speaking goons (see video). He mouths, “Ek Bihari Sau Par Bhari”… wah wah. I don’t think the not-so-Bhole MNS idiots know about this yet or else I doubt the film would release peacefully in Mumbai.

Now I know it’s bad to insult different cultures but I must say that Manoj Tiwari has just two expressions in his entire acting career. Have a close look at the video and if you spot him in a third ham then I will give you a poster of Bhole Shankar personally autographed by the Lotus Petrol Pump staff.

I really want to know if the invention of the compact disc has caught on in the north… check out the music release picture and notice these guys just proudly holding up audio cassettes of the music. Haha… Look at what poor Mukesh Rishi is relegated to…

The one time famous Shailendra Singh apparently has also crooned a song for Mithunda after 20 years or so. Don’t know how good that is going to be.

Mithun will definitely be in his funny Yaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii best. Look at the pic where the director is explaining a scene to Mithun from a three page script. Ha!!

Judging by the promo, Bhole Shankar seems like your regular formula Gangamaiya ki saughand stuffed with fight sequences, songs (even Rajesh Vivek has a solo song) and a hamming mother. Can’t wait to watch it!!

Amazing cinematography- Children of Men

I started watching movies from a technical point of view in my second year of senior college when we had ‘understanding cinema’ as a subject. It wasn’t the best class on cinema I have ever attended by any means but it did make me watch movies from a different point of view. So after four years of doing that I have to say that Children of Men is by far the most well executed film I have ever seen.

The cinematography is simply brilliant and just what is required in a chase film like this. I’m still spell bound by it and I can’t imagine how much time must have been put into it’s pre-production.

This film is filled with steady-cam and hand-held long shots (something which I’m not a fan of) but believe me its work so well. I personally felt there was some inspiration from Saving Private Ryan and Black Hawk Down in it but this was taking it to an all-new level.

The cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki has rightly been nominated four times for the Oscar including Children of Men. He lost out the Oscar in this outing to a worthy candidate Guillermo Navvaro for Pan’s Labyrinth. However, he did win the BAFTA for this one.

Have uploaded a particular scene from the film. You might get bored as the first minute is just regular talking but then the action begins. Notice that there isn’t a single cut in the entire scene and the camera moves all around the car despite five people being in there already. I’m still trying to figure out how it’s done. I think the camera operator is on the roof of the car and holds it through the sun roof. Could be wrong but I cant seem to find a better explanation. Whatever the case, it definitely was a pain the arse to shoot it- that’s for sure. Hopefully will ask a cinematographer soon. Just brilliant!!



The TT ball mostly is computer generated and perhaps the dirt bike is super imposed. Not sure about the latter. Gets more confusing.

Also everything was so perfectly timed. A lot of things happen in these four minutes but the actors just do a pretty good job. I’m sure this must have taken a long time to execute and days of preparation. That’s movie-watching experience for me.

This film has many more amazing shots and scenes. I particularly liked the one where Kee gives birth to her baby… not your regular baby born without an umbilical cord :D

Anyways, please get a hold of this movie. It’s pretty interesting as well even if you don’t notice the cinematography. Go for it!!

Aishwarya Rai in Pink Panther 2

The Pink Panther 2 met with bad reviews all over the U.S. Too bad... Aishwarya who was always trying to make an acting career out in the west ends up with another disappointing film.

Was just reading user reviews on imdb.com when I came across a post which said 'how do you find aishwariya rai? (for non-indians)'

Check out what some people who saw the movie had to say...

"Well, she's an ex- beauty queen. She can't act. Her looks are fading."

"thats unfair, have you not seen provoked, jodhaa akbar, sarkar raj? im not indian im white/british but im a huge fan of aishwarya rai, i think shes possibly the most beautiful woman on earth (so not fair!)and shes also an incredibly talented actress.
i havent seen the movie though yet!"

"I thought she was great. This movie didn't require subtle acting skills."

"She's gotta be the most non-talented woman in the world. All looks, thats it. The only reason she even became an "actor" was cuz she's a former miss world. I have seen numerous movies with her in them n every single one of em were just pathetic mainly because of her. Heck, she even brings down decent performances of her co-workers. Hopeless facial expressions, annoying voice and a box full of make up. There was a time when I actually considered her beautiful, but now she's gained weight n trying to look all flashy n hot. Its just sad. Can't stand her for a sec. To even call her an "actress" would be an embarrassment to acting."

"I'm european so i haven't seen that many movies with Aishwarya. The last one i saw was "Bride and prejudice" (yet another Jane Austen adaptation), and as an actress she was good. There was nothing wrong with her acting in that or in any other movie i saw with her in it. So i'm guessing phrases saying that "she is the most untalented woman" or "to call her an actress is embarrassing" are understatements. As a person, i have to say Aishwarya is an extremely beautiful, beautiful, beautiful woman. I fell for her the first moment she appeared on screen."

Better luck next time Ash!!

The Classic Bollywood Rape Scene

Aaaahhh! The good old days. I'm so happy that grew up in the 80s and 90s because that was the time when each and every scene would be remade in another film over and over again to the point that you can never forget it. Each scene would be cliché passed down from film to film with the exact same setting.

One of my favourite scenes that my parents always used to fast forward on my VCR was the classic Bollywood rape scene.

If you find me disgusting then you are in denial or you are just a loser not exposed to the wonderful world of minutely exploitive and barely titillating rape revenge sagas.

Who is the Victim?
She is normally the hero's sister. Prior to the rape, there will be a raksha bandhan scene between bro and sis. Bro will give five rupees to the sister and sis will make a face. (Song may follow). I have witnessed Mithun’s sister getting raped the maximum number of times in his films. And some of the times he himself gets arrested on charges of raping her. Haha!!
or
If the victim happens to be one of the lead actresses then her lover will also die during the course of the movie and there will be another couple too. The second girl will almost get raped until she is saved in the nick of time by her boyfriend (the main hero).

Who is the Rapist
He is the bad guy who got beaten up and humiliated in public or got arrested because of the hero.
or
The rapist is the old thakur of the village who happened to see the girl in his haveli. (Normally he comes in with his accountant during the rape.)

Scene before the rape (it’s amazing how I’m using the word rape so casually. RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE PARE PEAR BARE RAP)
Before the girl gets raped, she is preparing laddoos for her loving brother and when the bell rings she goes running to the door saying ‘mera bhaiya aaya’ but camera closes up on the baddie with an evil smirk. Background music suddenly increases tempo and the intensity completely changes.

Dialogues
About to be outcast from society girl: Kaun Ho Tum? Yahan Kya Karne Aaye Ho?
or
Tum? Yahan Kya Karne Aaye Ho?

Guy will touch her cheek with one hand
Girl: Yeh kya badtameezi hain? (As if she didn’t know)

Once the rape process goes a little ahead she yells…

Chod Do Mujhe kutte chod do… (Have you realized what chod when written in English sounds like?)
or
Mera Bhai tumhe kabhi nahi chodega…
or
Bhagwan tumhe kabhi maaf nahi karega.

Rapewala: Itni khoobsurat bala ko chod doon?
or
Laddoo…? Ab Hum Banayenge Diwali tere saath…

While raping for some unknown reason the goon will tear off the girl’s sleeve. I really really cannot for love of my private parts understand why would any rapist go for the sleeve? Tear her damn top off man and if you want to go from molesting to rape then tear what’s underneath. Don’t tear the sleeve you sleeve picking bozo.

The heroine has to run to at least two parts of the house until she is cornered. One of them normally is the kitchen. If the director is a little more creative she ends up in the bedroom. Two things can happen now…

Situation 1
She finds a knife or breaks a mirror and stabs herself (always in the stomach). The smirking villain is now at a loss of sperm count and he runs out of there. Girl doesn’t die. Her brother arrives and she tells him who did this to her. She dies after that. Brother shouts, “Chutkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”

Situation 2
She gets raped. Filmed really stylishly- girl on the floor. Shoulder shown. Bad guy on top of her rubbing his face on her but not kissing her. Thunder and lightning also strike then. She dies soon after that but again not before the brother coming. “Chutkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”

Now after the entire act is over, actually begins the film where the hero is out to get revenge. Normally, the rapist is well connected and our hero will have to kill more people in his path. But you really aren’t interested in that now are you? Let me tell you in today's time what Richard Gere did to Shilpa Shetty might seem more graphic but back in the days, these scenes were the crowd-pullers.

Note: Have uploaded a rape video where Shakti Kapoor in a very unique way rapes Anita Raaj. Couldn’t find something more appropriate with respect to my posting but do notice that Shakti tears off her sleeve. :D

Why does Anurag Kashyap irk me?

There are many reasons why I despise and envy Anurag Kashyap?

I remember the first time I came across the name was when I was in college and came to know the director of this banned movie Paanch was coming to give a talk. It was kind of exciting mainly because it was my first exposure to the big bad world of the Indian Censor Board (barring hearing a few things about Bandit Queen) as a child. I, fortunately or unfortunately could not attend the seminar but heard he was quite interesting.

Anurag Kashyap has a unique graph as a film-maker. Never have I seen a film-maker who has had so many problems in getting his films released forget getting made.

The first time I came across the man was in Pune during the First Annual Screen-writers conference. Anurag, Javed Akhtar and Abbas Tyrewala stole the show then and that was my first exposure to a frustrated animal called Anurag. Not one film out and he publicly criticised Boney Kapoor, Rakesh and Hrithik Roshan, Robin Bhatt, Ram Gopal Varma, et all. Javed saab called him arrogant but it was something new. People like rebellion especially when it concerns a truck-load of celebrities. Here was the man who called Anil Kapoor the most insecure man in the film industry.

Anurag wanted to vent out. He needed to release his frustrations- he needed a platform. He couldn’t show it thru his films mainly because nothing was happening. His debut Paanch still hasnt released (though cleared by the Censor Board), Black Friday released after ages, the promos of his Gulel are finally out, an Allwyn Kalicharan was planned with Anil Kapoor, Anurag needed a punching bag. And he got it in the form of passionforcinema.com. In the beginning I did admire the man’s guts. This was the time when I hadn’t seen any of his films and he seemed intelligent to me. When I saw Black Friday, I personally thought it was an average film both technically and in terms of story-telling. Yet, I could see a spark somewhere.

Now, then in my horrific Indiatimes days I was asked to review No Smoking. Went to watch it with my mom and dad. Somewhere I consider myself smarter than the average movie-goer but after watching No Smoking I was thinking to myself if I am just a pseudo-intellectual lying to myself and the people around me that I want to make movies. I didn’t understand the movie. Two years down I still don’t understand it. I know people who rave about it and praise Anurag’s balls but I am yet to meet a person who can explain the movie to me. I could easily have made something up and tried to look smart in front of some of my dumbass Singh is Kinng loving public but I decided to see where I stood. We have Tarantino whose films make too much sense that it seems senseless and we have David Dhawan who senseless films are accepted as the Bible to formula films in India.

Anurag doesn’t fall in either category- he is a film-maker who makes his kind of movies and if we fail to understand them then he unleases his passionforcinema morons from the innermost gullies of Faridoonabadistan to write the most insensible things on the web. I read I think an 8 page review of the movie on the website… and it didn’t make sense to me at all and I could conclude it must have been written by the writer of No Smoking himself. I remember the flak Taran Adarsh got from one of the passionforcinema idiots for giving it a negative review. Just like to mention that this was one of the first instances where users got a response from a known figure. So here we see these dime a dozen pricks that have access to a celebrity.

Please try to follow some of the user comments. They are simply hilarious. Im sure Anurag is happy with his online fan- following (I would be too) but I bet you my personal copy of Hollywood Nudes in 3D book that even Anurag must be laughing his Black Fridays off reading some of them.

I am not ashamed to say I don’t understand No Smoking mainly because I am not your target audience. Your movies may or may not be ahead of its time, but I am sorry you cannot insult industry people and the audience just because you took interest in reading more books and watching more movies than the rest of movie-watching urban India did.

That is why I wasn’t really looking forward to watching Dev D. People were going gaga over the song Emoshanal Atyachar but I just sat back waited it to pass. (Don’t get me wrong. It’s only good if Dev D works.)

But that being said, I want to say this to you. In Indian cinema’s present day scenario where we still struggle to be taken seriously worldwide, if at all there is a director today who can take it in the right direction it is you.

I personally don’t think you have a vision. You have talent but you go over-board with it. Use your energies in the adequate proportion and we just might have a film-maker whose cinema will be remembered in the decades to come. You might say I'm being hypocritical by saying this after I lambasted your movie(s). Well, let's just say... our formula guys are slumped too much into their couches to get up.

I just wished you could make the one film where I wouldn’t just say ‘it’s good’ but would shout over roof tops and say ‘Indian cinema has arrived and it took us just a little over 100 years.’

Just don’t be full of yourself and don’t think you are God’s gift to cinema. You are not!!

Still undecided whether to watch Dev D or not…